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There's a particular kind of helplessness that comes with watching your child struggle from a distance. They call home less frequently. When they do, their voice sounds flat, or overly bright in that forced way you've learned to recognise. You want to ask if they're okay, but you're caught between concern and the fear of being overbearing. After all, isn't university supposed to be hard? Isn't struggle part of growing up?

The answer, frustratingly, is both yes and no. And knowing the difference matters more than most university prospectuses will ever admit.