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There's a particular kind of helplessness that comes with watching your child struggle from a distance. They call home less frequently. When they do, their voice sounds flat, or overly bright in that forced way you've learned to recognise. You want to ask if they're okay, but you're caught between concern and the fear of being overbearing. After all, isn't university supposed to be hard? Isn't struggle part of growing up?

The answer, frustratingly, is both yes and no. And knowing the difference matters more than most university prospectuses will ever admit.

The Myth of the Smooth Transition

Let's start by dispensing with a comforting fiction: that most students sail through their first term with nothing more than a few tearful phone calls and some late-night anxiety about essays. The reality is messier. Research suggests that up to 35% of first-year students experience significant mental health difficulties, and the transition to university represents one of the most psychologically demanding periods of young adulthood.

What makes it particularly treacherous is that it doesn't look dangerous. There are no obvious threats, no visible enemies. Just the quiet accumulation of small stressors: a roommate who never cleans, seminars where everyone else seems to understand the reading, the strange loneliness of being surrounded by thousands of people and knowing none of them.

Your child is simultaneously trying to figure out who they are, who they want to be, how to do their own laundry, and whether Kant's categorical imperative applies to stealing someone's milk from the communal fridge. It's exhausting just to list.

Six Common Challenges Freshers Face And When to Get Help

1. Homesickness and Adjustment Stress

When we talk about homesickness, we usually mean it literally - a longing for your childhood bedroom, home-cooked meals, the family dog. But what first-year students often experience is more complex: it's grief for a version of themselves that no longer fits, combined with the anxiety of not yet knowing who they're becoming.

This explains why your child might seem different when they come home for reading week - not just tired or stressed, but somehow unlike themselves. They're caught between two identities, and neither feels entirely real.

What's normal: Homesickness that ebbs and flows. It strikes hardest during the first few weeks, flares up during milestones (birthdays, family events they're missing), and gradually diminishes as new routines take hold. Tearful phone calls in week two are expected. Occasional waves of missing home throughout the term are natural.

When to be concerned: If homesickness intensifies over time or completely prevents engagement with university life. If your child is spending most evenings in their room video-calling home rather than attending any social events three months in, that's not adjustment - it may be avoidance calcifying into something more serious. If they're expressing persistent feelings of not belonging, or if the loneliness has progressed to physical symptoms like constant fatigue, headaches, or changes in appetite, it's time to reach out to support services.

2. Academic Pressure and Time Management

Universities have become masterful at discussing "academic pressure" without acknowledging that they've often created pressure cookers. The shift from A-levels - where many students excelled by being organised and diligent - to undergraduate work that demands critical thinking, original analysis, and intellectual risk-taking is genuinely difficult. Add in that many students are receiving their first-ever mediocre grades, and you have a perfect recipe for what psychologists call "imposter syndrome."

What's normal: Your child is working hard, sometimes feels overwhelmed before deadlines, occasionally questions whether they're smart enough, but continues to engage with their work and can articulate what they're learning (even if they're frustrated by it). They might pull an all-nighter before a deadline, complain about their workload, or express anxiety about a particularly difficult module.

When to be concerned: Paralysis. They can't start assignments because the anxiety of not being perfect prevents them from writing anything at all. They're sleeping through lectures not because they're lazy but because facing another day of "not understanding" feels unbearable. They've stopped talking about their subject entirely - not with frustration, but with a kind of hopeless silence. The difference isn't always about grades. Some students maintain decent marks while internally collapsing under the pressure, using increasingly unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep performing. If your child mentions panic attacks before deadlines, talks about dropping out after just a few weeks, or seems to have completely disengaged from learning, it's time to seek academic support services and reach out to mental health support. 

3. Social Anxiety and Isolation

Here's something universities rarely admit in their glossy brochures: making friends at university is harder than it used to be. The narrative that "you'll meet your best friends in freshers' week" puts enormous pressure on young people who might be naturally introverted, culturally different from the majority, or simply unlucky in their hall allocation.

Social media makes this worse. Your child can see everyone else's carefully curated photos of friend groups and parties, which creates the illusion that they're the only one struggling. They probably aren't - but loneliness is self-reinforcing. The more isolated you feel, the harder it becomes to reach out.

What's normal: Initial awkwardness, a few false starts with potential friend groups, occasional weekend evenings spent alone, feeling like you don't quite fit in yet. Many students take until second term to find "their people," and that's perfectly okay. Some anxiety about social situations, especially large parties or meeting new people, is common and doesn't necessarily indicate a problem.

When to be concerned: Persistent avoidance of all social situations, including lectures and seminars. If your child has stopped leaving their room except for essentials, has made no meaningful connections after several months, or expresses feelings of being fundamentally different or unlikable, they may be experiencing social anxiety that requires professional support. Watch for signs like excessive worry before any social interaction, physical symptoms (shaking, nausea) when meeting people, or a pattern of making plans and then cancelling at the last minute. University counselling services and peer support programmes can provide crucial help before isolation becomes entrenched.

4. Financial Stress

Let's be blunt: many students are one unexpected expense away from crisis. The maintenance loan rarely covers actual living costs in most university cities. Students are constantly doing mental mathematics - can I afford to go to that birthday dinner? Should I skip buying the textbook and hope the library copy is available? Is eating pasta for the third night in a row actually a problem?

This isn't just about being broke in the way previous generations were broke at university. It's about systematic financial precarity combined with a culture that expects participation in expensive social activities as the price of belonging.

What's normal: Budget consciousness, occasional complaints about being short on money, strategically choosing which social events to attend, taking on a part-time job, worrying about whether the loan will stretch to the end of term. Many students experience some financial stress, and learning to budget is part of growing up.

When to be concerned: When financial worry becomes all-consuming and starts affecting mental health, academic performance, or physical wellbeing. If your child is skipping meals regularly, expresses constant panic about money, has started falling behind academically because they're working too many hours, or mentions resorting to high-interest loans or other risky financial decisions, they need immediate support. Watch for shame or secrecy around money - students often hide financial distress from parents out of pride or not wanting to be a burden. Changes in sleep patterns, mood, or increased irritability can all be signs of chronic financial stress. Student finance advisors and hardship funds exist for exactly these situations.

5. Alcohol Use and Risky Behaviours

University drinking culture remains absurdly normalised. Freshers' week often resembles a hazing ritual, with expectations of excessive drinking presented as "fun" and "bonding." For some students, this is a brief experimental phase. For others, it becomes a coping mechanism.

The concerning pattern isn't the occasional big night out - it's drinking to manage difficult emotions, to feel confident in social situations, or to quiet anxiety. When substances become a solution, you're crossing into dangerous territory.

What's normal: Some experimentation, occasional heavier drinking at social events, learning their limits (sometimes the hard way), stories about hangovers and regrettable nights out. University is a time when many young people test boundaries with alcohol. This doesn't mean it's without risk, but it may be a common part of the experience.

When to be concerned: Drinking or drug use that's become a regular coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, or depression. If your child mentions needing to drink to attend social events, regularly drinks alone, has increased their consumption significantly, or if their substance use is affecting their academic work or relationships, intervention is needed. Other warning signs include defensive reactions when you mention their drinking, memory blackouts, risky behaviour under the influence, or mixing substances. If they're using substances to sleep, to manage anxiety, or to feel "normal," this has moved beyond experimentation into potential dependency. University health services, counselling, and specialised substance support services, such as Lions Campus can provide confidential help.

6. Sleep and Lifestyle Disruption

Student sleep patterns are notoriously chaotic, but we often treat this as a joke rather than the health issue it actually is. Lectures at 9am when you went to bed at 4am. All-night essay sessions fueled by energy drinks. A roommate who plays video games with their volume up until 3am. The constant blue light of phones and laptops in darkened rooms.

Sleep deprivation doesn't just make you tired - it fundamentally alters mood regulation, decision-making, immune function, and mental health. Many students who think they have depression or anxiety are actually experiencing the psychological effects of chronic sleep disruption.

What's normal: Irregular sleep schedules, occasional all-nighters before deadlines, adjustment period to living with roommates who have different schedules, complaining about being tired. The flexibility of university schedules means most students shift toward later nights and later mornings. Some disruption is inevitable.

When to be concerned: Chronic sleep problems that persist for weeks or months - either severe insomnia or sleeping excessively and still feeling exhausted. If your child mentions they can't fall asleep due to racing thoughts, wake up multiple times during the night, or sleep through multiple alarms and miss regular commitments, they need support. Watch for signs that sleep disruption is causing other problems: constant irritability, difficulty concentrating, falling asleep in lectures, or expressing that they feel physically unwell most of the time. Similarly, lifestyle disruption around eating (missing multiple meals daily, significant weight changes, disordered eating patterns) or complete lack of exercise can compound mental health difficulties. University wellbeing services and psychological support can help establish whether there's an underlying issue like depression, anxiety, or a sleep disorder.

The Real Question: Is This Normal or Should I Be Concerned?

After reading all this, you might feel more worried rather than less. That's not the intention. The goal is to give you a framework for distinguishing between the challenging-but-normal and the I-need-to-act-now.

Here's the most useful principle I can offer: it's not about the presence of difficulties, it's about trajectory and functioning.

Is your child struggling but gradually finding their footing? Are they having hard days but also okay days? Can they still do the basic things - attend most classes, maintain some social connections, take care of their physical needs? That's probably normal adjustment, even if it looks painful from the outside.

Or are things getting worse over time? Are the gaps between your calls getting longer, and when you do speak, does something feel increasingly off? Have they stopped being able to function in basic ways? That's when normal struggle tips into crisis.

Consider seeking help if your child:

• Shows persistent sadness, anxiety, or irritability that's present most days and doesn't ease
• Struggles to function daily - missing most lectures, staying in bed all day, withdrawing from all social contact
• Has drastic changes in eating habits (much more or much less than usual), sleeping patterns (insomnia or excessive sleeping), or substance use
• Expresses feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or that people would be better off without them
• Mentions thoughts of self-harm or suicide, even casually
• Shows sudden personality changes - the extroverted child who's gone completely silent, or the conscientious student who's stopped caring about everything

The crucial thing to understand is that university support services exist precisely because these issues are common. Your child won't be bothering anyone by asking for help. They won't be marked as problematic. Most universities have counselling services, mental health advisors, academic support teams, and peer mentoring programs specifically designed for these situations.

What You Can Actually Do From a Distance

The hardest part of parenting a university student is accepting how little direct control you have. You can't fix their problems. You can't make their loneliness disappear or their essays easier. But you can do some things that matter:

Create space for honesty. This means sometimes not asking "Are you okay?" (which invites the reflexive "I'm fine") but instead "What's been hard this week?" or "What's one thing that's been stressing you out?" Specific questions get more honest answers.

Believe them when they tell you something's wrong. Don't minimise it by saying "everyone finds first term hard" or "it'll get better." Maybe it will, but in that moment, they need to be heard, not reassured.

Help them access support without making them feel broken. Normalise therapy the same way you'd normalise going to a doctor for a physical illness. "I think talking to a counsellor could really help with what you're dealing with" is better than "I'm worried there's something wrong with you."

Know what support is available. University counselling services are often overstretched, with waiting times that can stretch to weeks or months. Services like Lions Campus exist to bridge this gap, providing specialist mental health support specifically designed for students when university services can't meet demand or when more intensive support is needed.

Trust the professionals. Whether your child is working with university services or external specialists, let them do their job. Your role is to be a safe person to talk to, not to manage their care.

The Thing Nobody Tells You

University is sold as the best years of your life. This is a cruel myth. For many students, it's actually one of the hardest periods they'll ever experience - a concentrated dose of identity formation, independence, academic pressure, and social upheaval all at once.

But here's what's also true: struggling doesn't mean failing. Needing help doesn't mean weakness. And most students who have difficult first terms go on to have much better subsequent years once they've found their footing and their people.

The goal isn't to have a child who never struggles. The goal is to have a child who knows how to recognise when they're struggling and has the courage to ask for help when they need it. That's the real marker of maturity, and it's the skill that will serve them long after their degree is finished.

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At Lions Campus, we specialise in supporting students through the mental health challenges of university life. If you're concerned about your child and university services haven't been able to provide timely support, we're here to help. Early intervention makes all the difference.